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Talk:Four Warriors Cometh (Remastered - Part the First)/@comment-2142396-20190810084744/@comment-7662967-20190816090852
Yes!! I’m so happy you got this far (I know it’s really long) I know! I’ve spent this summer really dedicating myself to writing alone (Currently getting about 1,000 to 1,500 words down a day. Which is a record for me) Can you believe I’m already writing chapter 31?? It’s honestly insane. Brek is an amazing character, I love him to death. He’s my child, I swear XD Oh…. hehehe… well, you’ll see. Ferran and Frag’s involvement is far more deep-rooted than it was the first time. While it still has a little to do with ‘murder the Marks’ It has a lot more to do with *cough* er, something else. Which is that thing they want so badly. Yeah, he was already a leader of the slaves, and Garavel is way out of her element in the tunnels. You have to figure, she had no idea the tunnels were even there, and she’s lived in Kotir since she was seven, and in the castle itself since she was fourteen. So she’s kind of relying on Brek’s knowledge right now. It really is, because while Whegg knows of Brek’s competence, the rest of Gingivere’s guard saw him as their prince’s beloved pet, his toy, his plaything. Brek was just an object to them. Garavel was a little more open-minded because she was a sargent, closer to the Prince, and she had already made a friend in Embrien, another slave. But even she knew very little of how much Gingivere relied on Brek. In that moment, I think she’s understanding who Brek really is. So it’s pretty cool, it makes me very happy that you caught it. Yuuuus, I loved that moment. It’s like ‘ok, so my dad lied to me… I’m still serving my Prince.’ And yet he keeps the ring as a reminder of who he is. So he’s not disowning his family or even really his dad. He’s acknowledging them and their fates, but continuing in his chosen path. And don’t worry. The story ebbs and flows, for a bit, Sayna’s storyline picks up, then slows down. While her story goes through a calm spot, Brek’s and Whegg’s pick up the tab and keep interest going. When theirs’ slow down, Sayna’s picks up again. So Brek’s story’s about to get fun. *eyebrow wiggle* Uh… heh. No. They’re anything but friendly. They’re angry, wary, dealing with their losses and trumas… some more graciously than others. To a point, they can’t be blamed. Whegg is a Kotirian, and not just that, he serves the /prince/ of their conquerer’s kingdom. Because for all his good qualities, Gingivere is Verdauga’s son. That is a key point in Redfarl and Amber’s relationship. It’s foreshadowing of the rocky road ahead of them. And yes, she absolutely did that on purpose. When appealing to the courts of Mossflower, the leaders you appeal to by name have more say in your fate. Redfarl purposely told Whegg nothing of Amber so he wouldn’t even think to appeal to her by name. She did her best to point Whegg to the leaders she deemed the most fair or compassionate. It says a lot that her mother wasn’t one of them. Awwwwwww yes, the OTP is real. And just wait til he sees her again. (It’s chapter 13, Past Promises. So you’re very close ^^ ) They’re so precious. Argulor is so fun. I love him. He’s this well spoken highlander gentleman… who occasionally eats a vermin here and there. Or at least he jokes about it a lot. Yeah… Whegg’s over there like *faints* XD It’s interesting isn’t it? I don’t know how well it’s coming through in the first draft, but Whegg is relating to all of the woodlanders on different levels. He resonates with Bella’s loneliness, Warthorn’s wariness, eventually even Argulor’s banter. He sees Amber as being very much like Tsarmina, so he has some clue of how to deal with her. It’s very interesting, because for the most part of FWC (or at least the beginning) we see the four leaders through the eyes of a vermin. So Whegg doesn’t exactly have a lot in common with them, but he relates to them through what he can. I feel it’s a better POV to see the most of them through, rather than through the eyes of someone automatically programmed to like and respect them. Yes, Bella had lost nearly all her power before Sayna and Tynek showed up. Raising the river was her last time using her Prophet’s Soul, and she’s never been able to harness the same level of power. Not only does she know she could probably never raise the Moss again, but it brings back far too many horrific memories. So it’s really not the best thing to bring up ): Peculiar is the perfect description for Germaine, but I swear she makes me smile so much when I’m writing her. She’s amazing. And Hah! Yes, the way she kicked Amber’s butt. Amber sulked about that for awhile, I’m sure. But seriously, Germaine is a force to be reckoned with, just wait until later parts of the story ^^ And yes. Germaine is concerned with everyone’s health far above what her superiors say. XD Again… just wait. ;) Exactly. I did really like the ability to see more of what Verdauga has done. It’s easy to villainize a group until you see their struggles. I wanted to be clear that while Verdauga has been brutal, he’s not just been brutal to woodlanders, though they’ve taken the brunt of it. That’s… a very good saying for the Greeneyes kingdom. They rose through treachery, slaughter, and fire, and little by little, they’re destroying themselves and dooming their kingdom to the fate of the one they destroyed. Pfft, yes. It’s a little difficult to act like the real thing when they aren’t even sure of the common soldiers routines. Sayna has the ability to be really intimidating when she’s not being intimidated. I’ve learned this about her, she can take control of situations if she allows herself enough confidence. She… just usually doubts herself and tries to find someone else to speak for her. Oh yes they did. They knew their disguise had to be flawless, if their golden fur was found… well, they know that should they be captured again, escape would not be possible. That was exactly the point. It took some serious thought on my part to figure that one out. Because if they Bloodwrathed, their heads would be coming off in a matter of minutes. So I had to find a way for them to not do that. It worked out well though, I think. I like that too! Groddil is one of Sayna’s oldest friends, she sees him as family. And yeah… that messed her up a little. It was a good thing to show, I think. Oh my word, yes. I love it when the Luke twins interact. Oh, he actually can not talk all that much. He has the vocabulary of about a five or six year old and that’s really only from what Rose taught him and things he’s picked up from observation. He was never allowed to speak as a child, and the other slaves even avoided him, thanks to the rumors about him being a demonic freak and some kind of lost prince. So he actually can’t talk. He knows what he wants to say, he just doesn’t have the ability to say it. But to some degree, he just likes annoying Sayna by making things more complicated than needed. And outside of that, since Rose ‘died’, Tynek has utterly given up trying. He sees everything as futile and meaningless anyway, so he makes no attempt to learn. Yeah, Rose was the first creature in Tynek’s life to value him for who he was, not his fur or his power. She offered him something he’d never felt before; hope. When she died, he lost all hope, and has been a sullen, reckless, empty shell of a creature ever since. (Tynek is actually… kind of genius levels of smart if he applies himself. This, you will see. But right now, he’s actively avoiding self-improvement) It was a very similar instance to the day Badrang killed his grandmother, the only creature outside of Rose that he truly had any connection with. Also just having that brand be found really cements that he is in fact, a runaway slave who dared to kill his master. Tynek knows he doesn’t want to be a slave, but at the same time, he’s not sure what it truly means to be free because he’s never felt… free. And being found out for the first time is crippling, not only because of the memories, but because it makes him feel like he’s back to where he started, that nothing ever changed. And scariest of all, some small part of him can’t help but feel relieved. No more fighting, no more hiding. He’s back where he belongs. Let’s just say it’s total sensory overload and Tynek just shuts down momentarily. Because even Verdauga treated him like he had vallue. But Ranulf treats him exactly like he was treated in the north, and yeah… it’s rough. Ugh, yes. And they still do. Numbers hold a certain meaning, to be branded with numbers is the lowest of the low. They’re slaves that aren’t expected to live long, those doing the filthiest, hardest, and most dehumanizing work. They’re numbered so when they die, a new one can be given their number and seamlessly step into their place. Slaves marked this way are ones like Oar slaves, Quarry slaves, or slaves kept for amusement. For instance, Brek is not branded with numbers, in fact, his brand is (as far as brands go) very elegant and unique, showing he belongs to the Prince. Slaves that work in the castle itself aren’t branded with numbers, and personal slaves aren’t either, they just wear an insignia. But slaves like Gina, Stella, Tynek, Torrin, Rose, ect, are numbered. It’s exactly what you said, de-humanizing. Even more so than someone’s housekeeper or stableboy. To the kingdom, they are exactly that. Just a number. Just a thing to be used. Yeahhhhh I feel bad for Eostre. She got the short end of the stick. I think I kind of make this trauma up to her? Eh… probably not, but things do get better for her. Um…. yeah. Eostre’s seen some things. And done some things she wishes she hadn’t had to. It’s… not a nice thing to think about, so she doesn’t. She purposely blocks it out. She is about fourteen in human years. I did plan her involvement from the beginning, just not… quite like it played out. But I think you’ll see where I’m heading with her in a few chapters. ^^ So I actually had to reread that whole escape to properly remember it, and honestly… I like it a lot more now than when I wrote it. I really built suspense without properly realizing it XD Oh yes, Sayna’s snarky internal commentary is great. ^^ Ooh, I’m glad you liked how I wrapped up Aimon’s character arch. It took a lot of consideration, but I think I made the right choice. They were, she actually fractured both her skull and some of the vertebrae in her neck. There was some damage to her nerves and slight hemorrhaging in her brain. In the medical abilities of my world, there would be no way for her to survive, and Luna is the only reason she’s still alive/not paralized. She did have to relearn some things, and spent several years just regaining her dexterity and balance. There are some memories she’s entirely missing too, though for the most part they are unimportant ones. Awwwwwww, really? I mean I know I’ve improved, it’s just sometimes hard to tell when I’m stuck in my own perspective. That means a lot, I’m so glad you like it! And you’re envious? You don’t know how much that means to me, I’ve always been envious of your writing since I started reading it. It’s just so pretty and concise, and to have you say that about my own prose... *happy tears* Thank you! *rapid bowing* Well, I have four designated povs, and I don’t intend to skip out of them at any time even when it might be easier to do so. I’ve tried to set them up so I can see the absolute most of my world and plot, as well as having a wide variety of narrators. This is to keep the story flowing professionally, avoid more confusion than I absolutely have to, and give the readers a constant in an ever-changing plot. So because I’m writing third person limited (and limiting the number of characters we see through) Rose does not get the opportunity to be a pov. This is because she’s inevitably joining back up with our MC, Sayna. Anyone too close to Sayna (Groddil, Tynek, Rose, Torrin, Dancer, ect) does not get to be a pov for fear of them only repeating what she sees, which would make this already monolithic book /even longer/ Which lets be honest… no one has time for. XD The same is true for all the other narrators, anyone too close to Brek, Whegg, or Luna doesn’t get a pov. So yeah. Honestly true though, it would have been brutal to be in Rose’s mind in those scenes. Not only does she feel like a failure and an idiot for waiting so long to try and leave Evenglade, she is branded as a spectacle for her village by way of punishment for her defiance, her own father turns against her, and Ripfang makes her watch him brand her mother and then kills all the previous oar slaves that can’t work anymore in front of her. So. Yeah. It’s rough, and probably R rated if we’re being honest. Um, yes. When Luna gets made at Ignasa, you know it’s bad. (honestly if any Prophet gets mad at Ignasa… that’s a really bad sign) Hah! So you like my unexpected dynamic duo? *evil author laughter* I just adore throwing completely different characters into a dire situation that forces them to work together, and adding the captive/captor dynamic is just the icing on the cake. Yeeeaaah Poor Sandi’s a mess. Well it’s more of the fact that she actually can’t hide her emotions from Luna. Yes, see both Luna’s empathy and Sandi’s sight are a naturally occurring magic, the once common abilities mortal’s were created with. See, sentient mortals are strange beings in the universe. They stand with a foot in both worlds, their physical forms are tied to the mortal dimension but their soul is tied to the spiritual realm. Because at one time, the realms were not divided. So all creatures have a natural ‘magic’ some are just far more open to it than others. However, for those sensitive ones, if they do not have a protector, they essentially have a door to their soul left wide open for any passing entity to enter. So yes, some of Sandi’s visions have been manipulated by Dark Wolves even though she never sought them out. That’s what Luna is feeling. Yes, ok, see that has changed a bit. So, the conquest happened thirty-five years ago. Lucius was one week old. He was fourteen when he fathered Sayna and Tynek, and fifteen when they were born. Which…. actually explains why he goes so off the walls insane when his wife (and supposedly daughter) die. It would be a devastating blow for any grown man, but for a boy? It destroys him. It makes him a lot more understandable, he’s just a child himself, and while logically he should be caring for his son and not abandoning him, he’s literally a teenager. He’s easily swayed by emotions and has almost no life experience. His one father figure died along with his wife, and the only creature he has to turn to is a boy not much older than him. Who, might I add, is coping with the loss of his own former partner and trying to raise his own young son. So it’s an absolute recipe for utter disaster, and unsurprisingly... ends in disaster. *shrug* It make Lucius and Vurg (possibly being renamed Vedan) a lot less of ‘you jerks left your kids and look what happened’ and a lot more ‘ouch, this is physically painful on so many different levels’. Gingivere is about thirty or thirty one. Sandi is thirty seven or eight (cat’s age slower than smaller creatures, so they’re basically low to mid twenties in behavior) the council leaders are all in the fifties/sixties with Bella being the oldest and in her seventies. However again, she’s a large creature, and they tend to have lifespans about twenty years longer than a mouse or ferret or squirrel. (who have normal human lifespans) Amber is the youngest, in her upper forties. Pffft. I know that you aren’t making fun, you’re one of my most dedicated readers ^^ I love getting honest feedback and thoughts, and you never need to fear I would be offended. I’m absolutely not. I love really seeing what my readers think and think is missing in my universe and I take it all into consideration for future drafts. As I plan to actually legitimately find a way to publish the Saynaverse (even if I make my own publishing house to do it) I want it tuned to as much perfection as I possibly can. So all constructive criticism is not just welcome, but wanted. If you have a thought, I’m open to hear it! (I may not take all suggestions of course, but I’m very open to them and I may even make my own twist on them) Ok, so on the actual question. I’ve thought about this, and I’m still thinking about this and honestly wanting some variety in my ruling systems. But here’s the thing. For the most part, I have monocharies because they are relatively simple to explain. There’s a king/queen/emperor, they have some ruling lords and ladies and advisors, and there you have your government. In an already wildly complicated story, it gives me something that I can just establish as being a thing, and then focus on the many characters and plot elements. I do make some criticisms of the ‘one ruler’ government in the books themselves, showing both its possible strengths and also its pitfalls. But usually my monarch or monarchs have other monarchs they are allied with and answer to, or they have a lot of lords and ladies with great political power that they must consider the opinions of. For example, every throne on the Mossflowerian council is a separate kingdom. (aside from Bella, she’s basically the judge/keeper of the peace) Amber, Warthorn, Argulor, and Sandi are not subservient to Tynek and Sayna. They are all tightly allied kingdoms who form a coalition. In the case of Romsca, she meets with the appointed leaders of the noble houses (decided by their collective families) and they all discuss concerns. Obviously, there are plenty of opportunities for corruption, but to some degree, these systems help ward it off. Unlike Southsward, which has a single monarch with near complete power and no filters to try and keep them in line. This results in Southsward swinging from one set of values to another every several hundred years. When they have a just monarch, the slave trade is abolished and Mossflower has some peace. When corrupt monarchs take the throne, they plunder southern Mossflower and raid the southern seas like pirates. Then you have a nation like Esmerld, which leaves the choosing of their kings to fate and omens, has like three hundred candidates each time, and has them battle it out in a bloodbath til only one remains to be crowned. Tavaer has the opportunity to be more on the side of democracy, with the king being elected by the people, and not by bloodline. But I’m still figuring that out a bit. Oh the kingdom Askor makes is going to be different, and I think its leaning more toward the principals old Mossflower is built on, with a king/parliament. Not quite a coalition, but more one ruler+elected advisors. And the king could be elected too. (see, calling the leader a president just feels so un-fantasy. Maybe it’s not, but yeah. So elected king XD) But generally when I start planning out a story, I just slap a kingdom in there and focus on the already insanely complicated plot, leaving the fleshing out of governments til later on. Politics man… they’re difficult. (Side note, but Sayna’s reign lasts only 265 years. Then she abdicates/gets kicked out cause really… she doesn’t take losing her peers well and kind of does earn that moniker of ‘The Blood Queen’) See another problem is that I kind of live in the Saynaverse to a degree and would have to study how modern politics work to really form a convincing democracy/republic. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m not entirely clueless about politics. But to really make the nitty gritty believable, I’d have to do so serious study on how multiple nations governments work. Which arguably comes in like… the fifth layer of editing. But yes. This is on my radar, and I’m looking for a slightly different government for Tavaer, the Evengladian Alliance, Askor’s kingdom, and Kotir’s system during The Challenger. (though that ones basically a corrupt shadow of the original government, and Malin is kind of contending for a democracy) So yeah! If you have any ideas for any of them, I’m all ears :) And really, thank you for bringing that up. It’s a serious thing that does need consideration, but it has the tendency to slip to the back of my to-do list. XD